My liver just broke up with me...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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