my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
