so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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