i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
