do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
