She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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