I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
