She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
