This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
