Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
