Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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