Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As shirtless as possible
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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