hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
