Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
