areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
