do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
