i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Watching her eat just hurts me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
