Apparently you make a good broom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
