what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
