Me. At least after what I've been through.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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