make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
