just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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