woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
