i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
