So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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