Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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