I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
