But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is Oprah even human
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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