I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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