windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Boobs are out for the taking
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
