I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
