You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
