I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
