i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize