And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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