I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this will be a night to untag.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
