I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
