Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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