i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Found the puke drawer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
