I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
