is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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