So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize