Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
