I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
