yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize