I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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