So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
