Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
