so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
