i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
