Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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