I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
