i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
