girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
