I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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