Will you blow on my dice?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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