I'd wear matching sweaters with you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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