New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
