he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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