i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
