I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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