I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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