dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize