He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
