she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
someone threw a dead crab at me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
