return my video game
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
