i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
