I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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