Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
