I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
