..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
