I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
