I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
