Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
