Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
