Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
