i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
