Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
