Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
