party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize