seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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