she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
