Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
