You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
