Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
