Me too!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
