we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
