bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
