i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
