He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
