If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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