you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
