nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
