Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
